Switching to “This and That”, here’s a piece the Rapids Tribune published about my woes with our tech-dependent world.                                        

                                                            Tech Save Us    

            I keep hearing how our technology saves us precious time and makes life easier. And fine-but what’ll save me from technology?

            Years ago I was taking a college exam online, but being computer illiterate I was sweating it. Sure enough, while fumbling along I hit the wrong key and deleted my exam! Luckily, alongside me was computer-savvy Ruthie who helped recapture it. But it was panic city and I’ve been struggling with our high-tech world ever since.

            One day my van warned with its digital display “Low pressure in tire #5!” I couldn’t have told you which was #1, let alone #5, so I air-gauged them all. It was the spare I’d recently put on and yes it was low, so just this once I awarded the van’s computer some points. But I hated it for ordering me around.

            These electronic marvels really give me the creeps when they talk. This happened when our hi-tech grandkids steered me into an automated check-out line at the supermarket. As I slid bar-coded items past the scanner, an eerie metallic voice suddenly blared, “ERROR! PLEASE SCAN AGAIN!” Scared out of my wits I complied but again the menacing voice told me I’d screwed up. Trying to obey the confounded thing a third time, I shut down the system.

            Glaring at me like I was an idiot relic from pre-techie times, a harassed-looking clerk re-started it. Next the kids demoted me to bagging while they effortlessly ran the items through. But to this day I avoid automated check-outs and go to human ones no matter how long the line. 

            Hooking up our new DVD player, I tried reading the directions for a change. I was soon scratching my head over- “Connect Y Pb Pr (COMPONENT-OUT) jacks to corresponding Comp-Video. If using Comp-Video in-jacks (Progressive Scan), set Progressive to On...etc.". (I’m not making this up).

                                                         They must be kidding, right?

                    

            Desperately throwing up my hands, I went to Emergency Plan B! Somehow comprehending all this instruction gibberish, she untangled my wire spaghetti bowl and had the DVD running in a jiffy.

            No use my trying to fight these gadgets, either, because some, like my multi-function cell phone, are like Arnold the killer-robot in “The Terminator”. Shoot him, burn him, or blow him up, he never stops! While in water up to my waist and raking weeds out of our channel, I’d forgotten the phone was in my shorts pocket. Coated with drippy mud after its soaking, it looked very dead. Having nothing to lose though knowing it was hopelessnowing, I plugged it into the charger, smirking-Heh-heh! Here’s one gadget that won’t pester me any more!...and it’s run fine ever since.
             Besides  indestructible, all of its built-in apps (I’m afraid to try) make it even smarter than me. Maybe if I coax it, it'll teach me to send text messages and use it as a camera. If it will, I’ll promise it I won’t give it any more mud baths.     

            Clearly, to keep climbing this high-tech mountain I’m on, I’ll need help. Fortunately, our library staff is always happy to direct me to “Computers for Idiots”. Also, our grandson, who’s built talking robots, can maybe convince me I needn’t flee from them. Meantime, it’s a good thing I’m married to…Emergency Plan B. “Ruthiee!!”